10 Comic Characters We Suspect Have Bizarre Genitalia
Perhaps while growing up, you were always nose-deep in a Marvel comic. Every year, you may have swarmed Comic-Con. You may even wish you were Spiderman, the Incredible Hulk or Batman. If you have related to any of these statements, then chances are you are a comic book whizz. You can probably ramble off the super powers, abilities and backgrounds of many different characters. But can you describe their penises? We sure can.
We have listed ten comic characters that are sure to have some funky penises:
1. The Sticky Superhero – Spiderman and His Special Member
Our Spidey senses are tingling about Spiderman’s penis. We know practically everything about Spiderman. He was orphaned at a young age, and grew up with Aunt May and Uncle Ben.
He deals with everyday teenage troubles, and he inherits the freakishly strong spider-like senses through a radioactive spider bite.
But what Marvel leaves us marveling at is how these insane powers affect his sexual ability. Think about it: his strength increases and he can make his entire body sticky. What else can he make sticky and strong? Ponder that thought for a moment.
We can’t imagine why Marvel hasn’t touched upon this subject. Perhaps they are not interested in branching into the pornographic industry just yet. Regardless, Spiderman’s genitals certainly leave quite a bit to the imagination.
2. Ant Man, Ant Penis?
If it isn’t embarrassing enough to be the half man-half ant superhero, can you imagine the penis on this guy?Antman originally came to be by morphing from the human body of Dr. Pym, so maybe at one point in time he had a penis. But can you imagine what happens down there when he morphs into an ant?
Obviously being microscopic has its advantages, but sexual attraction is not one. In fact, ants don’t even have a penis. They have an “aedeagus,” which is so small it cannot be classified as a penis, but rather an “analog” of a penis. How embarrassing.
If you are looking to hook up with a superhero, we most certainly do not recommend Antman. Are there any superheroes who have abnormally large or appealing penises?
3. Regenerating Penises – Wolverine and His Wild Member
Wolverine is one of the many X-men and we are left thinking about his X-rated member.Not only because Hugh Jackman is absolutely dreamy, but the character of Wolverine leaves much to the imagination.
We learn a little bit about Wolverine in Origins, a six-part series that tells the story of the wolf-like man himself. Would you believe, though, that his penis is never a topic of conversation in Origins? That’s right, we can’t either.
And would he grow an even larger penis? If he’s not happy with the one he has, then we suppose he could dispose of it for a new one.
This wolf-like guy is sure to have a wild member in his pants. Who are some other superheroes that must have bizarre penises?
4. The Mutant Penis – Juggernaut
He is a mutant; need we say more? Standing at approximately nine feet, 5 inches, the Juggernaut’s penis is always an untouchable subject. Whether it’s because he’s simply disgusting, or due to the fact that it’s strangely bizarre, you just never hear or see anything near this ghoul’s genitals.
So perhaps he is weighing in on the shorter end. That’s why his attitude could use some lifting. Physiologically speaking, if the Juggernaut were to have a penis that was proportional to his body, well, it’d be one massive bulge.
Either way, the Juggernaut definitely has something funky going on below the belt. What other comic characters have strangely obscure penises?
5. Galactus, the Ravager of Worlds: Genitals from Beyond
Known as the most feared character out there in Marvel history, Galactus originated from the planet Taa.Taa was known for it marvelous social and scientific achievements, so was Galactus given an extradorinary member as some experiment or something?
Does he even have a body, or is he just some scientific-robot? He has said to be a humanoid, but perhaps his penis is beyond the human genitals.
The most startling evidence surrounding Galactus and his mystery penis is that his world perished due to radioactive material. While the rest of the population of Taa died off in droves, Galactus miraculously made it out alive. How is it possible that he survived while his entire civilization died, and how could this have affected his junk?
Clearly, Galactus is a force to be reckoned with, and his penis is no exception.
6. The Silver Surfer – Is it Even There?So, we are speculating that the Silver Surfer does not even have a penis. Don’t believe us? Google image his get up and you will clearly see, or in this case not see, it is not possible that he has any penis whatsoever.
In some images it seems like the Silver Surfer may be sporting a pair of, well, you know the other two parts of the male genital region; however, it just seems impossible that he has any genitals of substance down there.
If we are wrong, then the Silver Surfer must have the world’s smallest penis, and we are having trouble figuring out which is worse.
7. The Wetter the Better, Right?
Aquaman is the king of Atlantis, after all – so is his penis the king of them all? While his uniform is pretty tight, we are thinking we can see a bulge down there.
But let’s think about this: even if Aquaman is sporting an abnormally appealing penis, it has to be wet all of the time.Can you imagine all of the bacteria and chaffing Aquaman has going on down there?
How about shrinkage? It can’t be pretty underneath those green spandex pants. One thing for sure is that he’s got to be squeaky clean down there.
8. Does This Fantastic Four Member Also Have a Fantastic Penis?
As a member of the fantastic four, The Thing hardly stands out as an attractive superhero. His scaly, hard outer shell leaves much to be desired, so we are wondering if he has anything to offer below the belt, as well.
Reed dreamed of building a ship that could travel into space, so when he felt he accomplished this task, Ben wanted to be a part of it. Ben traveled into space with three others, and when the ship crashed back onto Earth, the quartet found themselves morphed by radiation.
With a newly mutated figure, Ben found himself covered with a tough, rock-like skin. So, what happened to his penis? It is rumored that The Thing had a fling with many women, such as Sharon Ventura.
If we had to guess, we would say that The Thing doesn’t have much of anything down there below the waist. Think about it; even if he does, it’s got to be hard as rocks, and while we all like a good boner, I think we don’t want it to be literally as hard as a rock.
9. Big, Green, and Oh My. – The Hulk and His Bulk
We probably don’t need to say much about this big green giant; imagination can probably do the trick here. But, for the sake of discussing comic character penises, let’s break it down for you.
Bruce Banner begins to morph into the Hulk, so, is skin turns green, his muscles bulge, and he sprouts into the big, not so jolly, green giant. Interestingly enough, though, he always keeps his pants on.
Think about that for a second – we have characters like the Silver Surfer who appear as if they are in the nude; why can’t the Hulk just be a big green guy?
Our answer: he must be packing the heat underneath those purple pants. Marvel leaves us to wonder what the Hulk is harboring beneath those pants, and in our opinion it’s something to really marvel at. If, of course, you are into that aggressive, big, sweaty dude on top of you sort of thing.
Last, but not least, we end with the golden boy of comics, Superman. Superman, or known by his alias Clark Kent, practices the powers of super strength, flight, speed and x-ray vision. While the list continues, we felt that this was all the ammunition we needed to argue that Superman would be the best sexual experience out of all comic cartoon characters.
While his super strength may prove a bit of a challenge in the bedroom, we think Superman would be your best bet for a successful sexual experience with a comic cartoon.
Practically all of Superman’s physical appearance is exactly the same to any other human’s, so his penis must be no exception, right?
If you can endure his super strength-and what we imagine would mean super penetration power as well, then Superman has got to be impressive in bed. His flight could promise an entertaining and exhilarating experience, and his stamina is sure to leave you satisfied.
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