10 True Tales of Male Genitals Becoming Stuck in Strange Places

The genitals are among our most sensitive body parts. Therefore, you should handle them with the utmost care. Lined with sheer, soft tissue, the male penis is no exception to this rule of life; however, some men clearly didn’t get the memo.
Here’s a list of 10 guys who wound up with their penises stuck in some pretty odd places:

1. Between A Rock And A Hard Place – Except The Rock Is A Saw.

That’s right, a man managed to have his penis come between a hatchet and a chunk of wood. According to many Internet sources, Stuart Keen and his penile accident are not a hoax.
Stuart Keen, an English carpenter, began his day no different from the rest. A little woodworking here, some power tools there, all was going according to plan.
Reportedly, Keen was working on a large wooden cabinet that required saw work. Keen was sawing away at the wood when suddenly the saw slipped and he sliced his own wood instead – yells.
We feel no need to go into particulars of the unintentional self-destruction, but can you imagine the scene? Carpenter saws off his own penis. We suppose the job description should include all of the dangers, such as having a run in between the tools and your genitals.

2. Help, My Pipe’s Stuck In A Pipe.

Halfway around the world from Stuart Keen, Lian Tien found himself stuck in more ways than one. Lian Tien, a 61-year-old artist, claims he was painting in the nude because his apartment was excruciatingly hot.
As he painted in the buff, Lian Tien lost his balance and fell onto the floor – only it wasn’t the floor that broke his fall. Lian Tien managed to fall with his private parts landing into a pipe.
That’s right, the thin pipe that connects the air conditioning to water drainage enveloped Lian Tien’s genitals. Oh, but wait – there’s more.
Because Lian Tien was so embarrassed – understandably so, I mean how you explain your penis being stuck in a pipe – he did not seek help for two days. Yes, you read that right: two days.
After 48 hours, Lian Tien’s penis was so swollen that his body began to become affected, as well. Once he broke into a fever, he figured he had to consult a physician. Upon receiving the call, the physician didn’t even know what to do. In fact, the physician couldn’t help him.
The physician sent Lian Tien to the care of trained firefighters. Yes, there was no fire on his penis. But, they needed the firefighter’s electric cutting tool to cut the pipe loose from Lian Tien’s penis.
Clearly, one should be more careful when painting in the nude.

3. It’s A Dog-eat-dog World – Or, In This Case, A Dog-eat-penis World.

Similarly to our friend Stuart Keen, an elderly Romanian man named Constantin Mocanu found himself with a severed penis, as well.
Constantin Mocanu awoke one night to a noisy chicken in his yard. Naturally, the first reaction when hearing a noisy chicken in your yard is to go after it with a knife, right?
Well, according to Constantin it is. So Constantin went outside without putting clothes on – he was in boxers, people, calm down – to chase after this chicken with a knife.
Constantin Macanu was swinging away when suddenly he felt he sliced something – to his dismay, however, it was not the chicken. Mr. Macanu had sliced his own penis off. Ignoring for a second the sheer physics of this tale, let’s linger on the fact that his dog then proceeded to chew on his severed penis. Seems like this dog found the wrong bone to chew on.

4. Stuck On You, Or The Man Who Became Stuck to His Own Penis.

One Chicago-based doctor reports that he helped a patient who super glued his own hand to his genitals.While it may seem like an opportunistic mistake to have your hand permanently attached to your penis, imagine how painful that must be. Have you ever tried to rip duct tape off of your body? Now multiply that by ten – yikes.
The doctor naturally had to ask how in the world this happened to his patient, and it went something like this: the man was fixing his bedside lamp. In attempt to help fix the lamp, he consulted the aid of super glue.
The man’s wife then wanted to heat up the night with some sexy time, so she asked her partner to find some lubricant. Well, as you can probably imagine the patient did not find lubricant, but instead a big wad of super glue now sandwiched between his hand and penis.
Who would’ve ever thought sex could be so dangerous?

5. The Never-ending Sexual Encounter – Man Stuck In Vagina For Hours.

Again, this probably sounds more pleasurable than it actually is. During the heat of the moment we might find ourselves uttering something like, “I could do this for hours,” but the truth of the matter is that we wouldn’t want to. However, for some people this unfortunate circumstance of a penis becoming stuck in a vagina is all too real.
Known as “Penis Captivus,” the phenomenon of vaginal muscles clamping and not allowing the penis to retreat has been around for centuries.
But is it true? Many doctors, including those in the ER, claim to have never seen this odd mishap, but many men actually claim it has happened to them.
I mean think about it, perhaps the couples are too embarrassed to rush to the ER while they are stuck together mid-coitus.
The occurrence, physically speaking, is possible because the vaginal muscles have the potential to involuntarily move and thus clamp the penis into place. Those who claim to have experienced this very unfortunate sex position claim it lasts a few seconds. You have to admit it – if your penis is going to get stuck somewhere, you would probably want it to be in your lady’s private parts.

6. Geraniums Don’t Belong In The Genitals.

This tale is not so much about the genitals becoming stuck in a strange place. Instead, let’s talk about an incident where someone stuck something odd up their penis.
Reportedly, a man who wanted to add a little romance into his life decided to skip the bouquet of flowers and turn his male parts into one instead.
This unidentified genius of a guy decided to pluck a geranium and insert it into his urethra. You heard that right – he stuck a geranium up his penis. Little did this same genius know, geraniums have hair-like strands that wound up completely shredding up the inside of his scrotum. In fact, this guy needed corrective surgery to fix his torn up urethra.
Take a tip from this guy and opt for a bouquet instead of your penis.

7. The Brave Little Toaster, And The Brave Penis Inside The Toaster.

While we can’t exactly report why, we can safely say that there are men out there who have lodged their junk into a toaster. It’s true – grown men, for some reason or another, are seeking solace inside of toasters.
Firefighters in London are reporting an alarming increase in calls such as this. All over the country, men are reportedly getting their penises jammed into odd objects, and toasters are just one of the popular options.
Okay, so it’s warm and tightly fit, but let’s be honest here; a toaster does not resemble a vagina by any means.

8. Zip Up, But Oh So Carefully.

Men such as John Wyley claim they catch their penis in their zipper regularly. Seriously? Zip up those pants carefully, fellas. Reportedly more than 17,000 men walk through the ER doors per year for “trouser zip” injuries.Since so many men fall victim to this uncomfortable incident, here is some advice we have picked up.
If you are too embarrassed to go to the doctor’s office or even the ER then you can try pouring oil, such as baby oil, and let the oil soak for about twenty minutes.
After the twenty minutes have passed your penis should slip out of that zipper with ease.
While this may not necessarily be a weird place, men are nonetheless getting their genitals stuck in their zippers. Perhaps, guys, you should find pants with buttons.

9. Stick A Fork In It – Actually, On Second Thought, Don’t.

If you haven’t guessed by the title of this section, a man did indeed stick a fork up his urethra. For some reason or another, some men out there seek sexual gratification from sticking foreign objects up their penises.It is reported that these objects can range from thermometers, pens or even carefully constructed rods of metal that are made for just this purpose.
While many find sexual satisfaction from doing this, it is by no means safe. In this instance, the man who stuck a fork up his urethra had to be operated on and risked serious infections. So why risk it? Just put a fork in your favorite foods, instead of your poor penis.

10.  The Milk Jug Urinal – Man Cuts Penis While Peeing.

Men have the luck of being able to urinate anywhere, so why would this man pee inside a milk jug? Well, we couldn’t find him for an interview, but what we do know is that his penis had an unfortunate run in with this particular milk jug.
When pained with the urge to pee, this man thought it would be a great idea to grab the closest milk jug to pee into.
All went well until he went to pull out; he lacerated his penis on the jagged edge of the jug. Next time, guys, you might want to consider just peeing in the woods.
If you or a guy you know has unfortunately committed one of these strange accidents as well, then we send our deepest condolences.
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